On Friendship

A few years ago I read a book called The Search to Belong by Joseph Myers. The book talks about the universal longing of all people to belong somewhere, but more than that Myers contrasts the myths of belonging with the reality of belonging. For example, one myth of belonging is that we should have a lot of people in our lives that are our "close friends." Have you ever noticed how many people you say are your close friends? Is it really true? Myers believes that there are different levels of belonging from social to intimate; social being the largest level of belonging (nationality/citizenship) and intimate being the smallest (spouse/closest friend). And in between are other levels of belonging that exist in church, schools, work circles, friends, good friends, etc.

You may not find this that interesting, but I write it because these days I am thinking a lot about friendship. We live in a new city and now have new circles of people we interact with everyday. I meet pastors, youth pastors, faculty, staff and students all the time, but are any them my new friends? Maybe. Only time will really tell. In the mean time, it's hard to live in a new place trying to find the people you can call your friends.

That's why it was such a blessing to have our close friend (and I don't use that term lightly) Matthew visit us this week from Mississippi. We've known Matthew for about 8 years; he played music at our wedding, held our boys when they were just babies, cleaned our dishes after small group countless times, and been a sounding board, movie buddy, fellow LOST follower, idea filter, ministry partner and great friend. But one true mark of a good friend is this:

A good friend not only loves spending time with you, but he also loves spending time with your kids.

From Drop Box

Matthew stayed with us for 4 days, and in that time he read books, sang songs, made up songs (about dinosaurs), fed, was woken up by, and babysat our boys. All in a spirit that showed he really loved them, not just tolerated them. I am glad to say that Corrie and I have a couple of friends that love Isaiah and Ezra in this special way, and we are glad that these friends continue to keep in touch even when we are apart. Because if what Myers writes is true, there only a few people we will ever know who are friends like that.